PositiveProofJesusDidNotExist debates John E. Remsburg's argument that the historical Jesus did not exist. Despite concerted efforts by various christians to refute the thesis of the page, it's clear that Remsburg prevails. This is empirical evidence that the historical Jesus did not exist. And therefore that he cannot be the son of the FSM.
It only remains to show that the mythical Jesus cannot be the son of the FSM. This is trivial. The FSM is funny. Its list of the 8 I'd Rather You Didn'ts clearly displays a sparkly sense of humor. In fact It appears incapable of creating anything that is not funny. Yet the mythical Jesus of the gospels is not funny. In all traditional representations He is shown unsmiling. His words appeal to human frailties - loneliness, suffering, and guilt. His devotees are generally angry, aggressive, and intolerant of dancing, partying, and other forms of hedonism that make people happy. All of which, by the way, are expressly approved by the FSM in His list of the 8 I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts.
That is clear empirical evidence that the mythical Jesus was not intentionally created by the FSM. It remains to show that the mythical Jesus was not accidentally created by the FSM. At, say, some drunken pirate orgy.
This is likewise trivial. The FSM is constructed entirely of spaghetti and meatballs. While it may accidentally impregnate a fetching lasagne, say, or in its more liberal moments daisy chain with a plate of canneloni, it is not naturally attracted to human women. Furthermore its noodly appendage, which invisibly and undetectably passes through all matter, is in the limit infinitely unlikely to linger anywhere near the tiny proportion of matter in the universe that constitutes human uteri. Even mythical ones. Except by intent. Which It will not do for reasons described above.
I intend to spend the majority of my $1,000,000 prize creating literacy among squid. As squid are evidently created in the image of the FSM, I believe they bear Good News for us from our Noodly Creator. Plus they were present at many piratical events of great consequence for our lives today. Oh, and I intend to spend the rest of it on beer and strippers. --Pete
What you perceive, stated in the above may be what you believe, or jest, but the real thing may not be coincident. --Don
Other arguments and comments moved to PiratesAndSonOfFsm.
![[Home]](/adjunct/adjunct.png)